Make your Linux distro verbally insult you.

insultme.sh

#!/bin/sh

# This script will give you a random English insult pulled from the url below.
# Evil hint: set up a cronjob :D

curl -s 'http://www.hyperhero.com/en/insults.htm' | 
awk '/BEGINN INSULTS/ { show=1; next } /END INSULTS/ { show=0 } show' | 
grep -oPi '^.*<br>' | 
sed 's/<br>//' | 
shuf -n 1 | 
espeak -s 125 -v en+m3 -p 25